Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Saturday, January 21, 2006

bleeurh.. The State Of Celibacy

Excrutiatingly long and excrutiatingly dull day.

Shouldn't have broken the self-imposed exile. i was happy during the long christmas break not meeting anyone at all, and just pottering about in my room and kitchen and only meeting davey for christmas and newyear, who doesnt count anywyas. shouldnt have have made a habit of meeting lumberjack every single day after term started, and going out for drinks with the manchunian and the bulgarian. heated up my blood again i think, and re-induced craving for testosterone. especially at wib-wobs, the untiring games of lets cuddle anita, exchanging chaste kisses with ni-tone under guise of enacting funny scenes or illustrating movie scenes or reward for a perfect cup of latte, and georgy-porgy teasing me as being their personal raggedy-ann to be thrown around and giving a back rub everytime my shoulders slump from the weight of work, and big-ed's crushing hugs when too many customers barge in and order blue cheese special, to make him feel better and making me sit on his knee to prove my weightlessness, and of course, the boss's penchant for a floorsliding dance moves and throwing me on the meat table to tickle me to death.

unendurable long day with no testosterone around and my state of celibacy is mortally challenged;
slept till 1, napped from 4 to 6, now sitting in gloomy reading light and typing reams of dull words.
waiting for a phone call, a text, an email, a nod, a nudge to dispel the gloom and give me an excuse to rattle out a laughter, deliver a hmmmm and fill my ears with the warmth of a communique from a different head.
shouldnt let the coldness thaw; thaw, warmth, flood, torrent, disaster. in every sense.

words

fierce
unkempt
why don't i ever use these words? they are singularly loverly

this morning's (afternoon's) post awakened phase - bleary.

yyy

Thursday, January 12, 2006

library... here i come...

havent written a word in 4 days.. sheer fear of frustation of efforts... and laziness...
ah... finally can get library access. tired of reading mills and boon and bloody chekov as theres nothing else in the room...
woo... what will i borrow tom..?
chandler.. farewell my lovely.. yes yes yes
hmm...dubliners.. joyce.. for sure
then ill be spontaneous and grab stuff off shelves...
ah.. i have to wait till tomorrow...
and after that.. i just wont have any time to read coz i'd be working like a pig won't i..
grrrr.....

Monday, January 09, 2006

Sunday, January 08, 2006

clinging on to sanity

ok, title is exaggerating.. i've recovered from the 2 agents' in-a-record two hour email rejection. made me realise... they're right.. i'm not happy enough with this stuff, though it has hope... so started writing from another angle right away... goody good. close to 4000 down... sorta comi-tragic (note the inversion) naipaulesque... still floundering to find my distinctive style... which is only good...
also very good is, im sticking with the story... Yep! after a year and four attempts, all diff stories, my fifth one sticks...and unlike in the case of pancakes, sticks is good.